As women, we take on many roles. I recently was having a discussion about the different faces we portray. We are multi-faceted. At work, we have one role, at home another, and even within our friendships and relationships, we are different.
We are expected to look a certain way and act a certain way. Sometimes we can even lose sight of who we are within ourselves. We are expected to be wise, but not be a know-it-all. We are told to be strong and to have it all together. But, then told we are bossy and that we have minds of our own and we make decisions for ourselves. We are asked to tone it down.
We are seen as acting out if we wear certain things. We are “bad girls” if we curse or get tattoos.
The girl who won’t ask for anything. goes with the flow, never gives her opinion, does whatever others want her to do, but may be seen as too independent.
Sometimes, we are expected to be demure; to cow-tow; to delegate.
How can we stay true to ourselves and still be who we need to be in our relationships?
At times we need these different parts of us, in varying situations, in order to survive.
How do we find a happy medium?
I have had several people over this last month come to me for advice or help. I think as women if we talked to each other about out challenges more honestly, we would have a stronger support system to deal with a laundry list of situations. We spend so much time as a society comparing, and waiting for the what-ifs, that we forget to live in the now.
I find many people live in a world of comparison. The things that are good for you (and your family), may not be for someone else. It does not make your choices wrong, it makes them unique.
I am not without fault. I try to stay away from the comparing games and try my hardest to teach my children the same.
You can apply this to many scenarios:
We need each part of us: the one who takes risks, the one who is a badass, who likes to have fun, who takes chances, the one who says, “wait maybe we should think this out”, the nurturer.
We as women play such an integral role in our families. In what ways can we be true to ourselves? I ask myself this often.
Recently, at work, I was approached and asked: “why if I am talented and so smart, did I not have the ambition to take a director or supervisor role, offered to me over the years”. I was blown away. How does anyone have the balls to say that to me?
I do not expect anyone to understand. But, as much as we need money to survive, it is not at the core of what makes us happy, or whole. I do not lack ambition. However, my personal life and my ambition to be the mom I wanted came with making that decision.
I work in an office with a lot of women. I am one of only two who has kids. I had to take it where it came from. When someone is not happy with themselves, in order for them to feel better, they have to say or do something to feel superior.
I don’t play into those games. I am unapologetic for any choice I have made. I do not have to explain myself to anyone but GOD.
I lost my mom, as I talked about in my last blog. I always remember her being there for us. My mother was a partner in a business and made her own schedule.
I wanted to make sure over the years that I was there for my children. I did not want to miss a game, a play, an afterschool playdate, music concerts, the opportunity to become class mom and run pta committees. I am known as the Pinterest Queen and maker of the best Mac and Crack.
It came with a sacrifice. I could not excel in my career in ways I may have wanted to at the time. But, there has never been a more important role to me than being a mother. Some may see it as comfortable or complacent. I see it as a BLESSING. I built a career where I made enough money to pay the bills and have fun, and still, continue to be the mom I always wanted to be.
What one sees for themselves as accomplishments, another may not. I would never be so presumptuous to look at someone else and make a decision for their life.
On that same note, I do not judge anyone who puts their career first or the women who choose not to have children.
It is all a choice and instead of judging one another for how we “MOM”, we should just embrace that we are all different. We all have different goals. However, we do things with passion, with other people in mind. We care about others. And we all need to just support one another.