I started about twenty different versions of this post. I am working through a lot right now and it’s been hard to pick which “thing” to share with you.
It’s hard for me to pick a sentiment to share or lesson learned because there are so many of them and I am still too close to it all to start unpacking. I am sure I’ll write about things at length someday, but in the meantime, I took a moment to look up at the people on the N train with me- there is a certain kind of person who finds themselves on an Express train on a Sunday morning. It was clear we all had more in common than just “sharing a space at the moment.”
So, I looked around the train and people… looked back. It wasn’t like the weekday rush, where everyone was chasing some distraction – scrolling, scrolling, scrolling – pixels in their phones. Today, I looked around and I was overcome with a sort of pride: I am moving through a hard time right now, and the chances are very good that everyone else on the train had gone through or are going through a great deal of something.
But here we all were on a Sunday morning- zipping through tunnels in metal tubes on tracks under New York City just GETTING SHIT DONE.
It’s easy to get trapped in a rhythm of doing things without taking the time to be present or look around in seemingly unremarkable moments, and while I sit here actively coaching myself through the day, attempting to cobble together a few words that make some sense, I am reminded of Virginia Woolf’s words in Mrs. Dalloway, “It is a thousand pities never to say what one feels” no matter how small, no matter how vague.
So, right now I am proud of “looking up during my train ride” and finding strength in the eyes of my fellow straphangers. I am grateful, again, for my support system and for the people who are holding me up right now. But, in an effort to reach out through the fog (to you) and be a little “useful,” I will share with you something that has calmed my brain and warmed my heart this week:
That quote was a game changer for me; a well-timed reminder that you can’t have the good without the bad, and that you should love all of it- eliminate duality and embrace your truth holistically, gleaning value from every lesson. The excerpt comes from:
On a related note, and to the point I make in the caption of the first Instagram post up there, self-care is important and I need to take better care of myself. Additionally, there is no hard and fast definition to what “self care” means, so ASK YOURSELF what it means FOR YOU and answer your heart’s request- instead of soaking in the tub, wondering what’s wrong with you because this aromatherapy bubble bath just isn’t doin’ it for ya. It’s OK to not give a shit about aromatherapy bubble baths.
I will get it together very soon, but in the meantime, thanks for reading this and TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF.