“If you care about it, you fix it.” ~Mike Walden
That’s the saying that’s stuck in my mind today. All my life, my godfather’s said this to me when I complained about anything. It’s probably why I am so motivated 99% of the time. I’m hustling around trying to make time, memories, and temporary fun with everyone I love and miss. But today, this saying doesn’t really inspire me like it usually does.
You see, I realized recently that not everything can be fixed. You can try (will always try) but there really are some things in life that you have to just accept. As much as I wish I could “fix” everything I care about, I also have to be realistic about my reach. This transformational period of my life, I have been presented with many challenges. I had to admit even though I cared about all these situations, I can’t fix them all. And that had to be okay, at least for now. If I want to get through a massive “fix it” list, I gotta prioritize. Some things are not for me to solve. I am to hold space, maybe bring a good laugh, or simply be present and show face. When it is my battle, I will know and that is where I can put all my effort to fix something.
I’m not gonna go into details on this blog. It’s not the point. The point is I’ve had to sit myself down several times over the last two weeks and tell myself “to pick my battles” and recognize what is most vital in the immediate moment and to make moves to fix what is directly in front of me as best I can. Once that is in order, then glance up and ask where I can help others. If I am not needed in one instance, I have to let it be. Move on. Don’t be upset that what I want isn’t what everyone else needs. My “fix it” skills are needed elsewhere.
Don’t get me wrong. My trip home has been fun. I’ve seen so many of my favorite people. I laughed a ton realizing that as far as I think I’ve come in the “City of Angels” I’m still just Jenn/JB from Covington, GA. I still love my same friends, same fishing holes, same good company. I worry so much that being away, those I love will forget me. Then I come “home” and it dawns on me…I am still apart of this place. I don’t have to pencil in everyone to make sure they don’t doubt their importance to me. They still know. They still see me for me.
I really needed that reminder. It’s been a tough few years. I thought I would be using this trip to make it up to loved ones I don’t often see, then I realized there’s nothing to fix. We are all just trying to make a way, make ends meet, or understand the hand dealt to each of us. I can’t fix everything in just s few days. There are even a few things I have to accept forever. I know now I have some growth in certain areas I can try to fix, but ultimately…the biggest take away from this trip for me has been acceptance. If I can recognize which battles are for me, and which ones do I have to sit back, watch, and accept; my presence will be much more appreciated by those that I love.
On that note, I have to get my pole back in the lake. The fish start biting soon. My godfather and I are “fixing” to catch some catfish. All I have to fix right now is my focus. There’s a beautiful sunset starting that you just have to see…