Guest Blogger: Jacinta Chloe – Self Love Expert
Love is in the air people! Romantic Flowers, chocolate covered strawberries, sexy lingerie and heart-shaped everything (literally EVERYTHING)!
And then there’s YOU…
With Valentine’s day approaching you are probably becoming more and more aware of the teeny tiny little fact that you are SINGLE.
And now you are probably becoming more and more aware of that empty gnawing feeling called loneliness. Ahh, loneliness. I used to know you too well! OR that it’s been months since someone has touched you in an intimate way. UNLESS you are counting that steamy handshake you had last week in Sprouts. Wait… Nope, that doesn’t count!
Just for a moment, I want you to forget all of that! Forget that you are single. Forget that you feel lonely! Forget about that sexy hand touching in the produce section… Or don’t ;).
My hope is that by the end of reading this you have a completely new view of Valentine’s day and being single. A Life shattering different point of view. The sun is out, frolicking in a meadow, rainbows in the sky kind of feeling if you will.
What comes to your mind when you think about love?
Maybe something along the lines of cuddling, romantic kisses, long conversations, hand holding, Saturday night dates, someone to wake up next to, someone to make love with, someone to laugh with, someone you have a deep connection with, someone you plan your life with and someone you dream with.
Sounds lovely, right?
Let’s take a deeper look into the inner workings of human emotion and intimate relationships.
How do you FEEL when you are with someone you love? If you’ve never been in love, how do you think you would feel or want to feel?
What’s the draw of even being in a relationship anyway?
I don’t know about you but I know how I desire to feel in a healthy relationship.
Connected, safe, needed, a priority, wanted, secure, beautiful, sexy, admired, respected, desired, looked up to, trusted and loved.
Those are some pretty fucking great feelings, right?
The issue here is that most people go searching for relationships when they themselves are currently lacking these feelings internally.
They don’t feel connected. They don’t make themselves a priority. They don’t respect themselves. They don’t trust themselves. They don’t feel secure. They don’t feel safe. They don’t look up to themselves. They don’t feel attractive.
And the biggest one, they don’t love themselves.
So what happens if this said person lacking all of these things gets into a relationship?
Well, let’s just say… It could be a Jerry Springer episode in the making. Haha well, that’s a bit of an extreme BUT what will happen is a lot of stress, unhappiness, emotional hurt, and likely abuse.
When we go into a relationship without first giving ourselves respect, trust, connection, security, love etc. then we are going into a relationship basically starving.
Here’s a little visual example for you:
Let’s say you were my Cat Mr. Storm (Yes that was his name =]). He had a slight food addiction problem due to only having food as company when he was a kitten, so he too was emotionally empty and lacking self-love. So anyway, he seemed to think that he was always starving. He was greedy with the food, and the other cats were pushed to the side so he could have more food. But the other cats needed food too because well… they need food to survive! That’s how the body works.
So because Mr. Storm was “starving”, the other cats’ needs were pushed to the side and they “suffered”. (Not literally. Of course, we fed all of our cats).
And before you start thinking “wow she’s a crazy cat lady” (I’m not by the way), I’m actually allergic to cats and they were my mom’s. So now that we are clear on THAT.
If you are lacking any of those things that you NEED for human survival and the potential to thrive in life (respect, connection, love etc.) then you will ALWAYS try to find ways to get them in other places. Such as in a relationship. You will ALWAYS try to get them from the other person if you aren’t giving them to yourself.
But I want you to understand this. It is NOT another person’s job to give you the love that you should be giving yourself.
You are going into a relationship with an empty cup that you desperately want to be full. So you take… take…take from your partner so you can feel whole.
But your partner is human too and they have needs. They don’t have the time (or the responsibility) to fill up your completely empty cup. That would be like a very horrible, draining fulltime job. And relationships are supposed to be pleasurable not draining.
Just for fun lets add in another component. You attract what you put out energetically into the world. It’s science people, not something woo woo. Not too woo woo at least.
So, if you feel unworthy, unattractive, unhappy, unloved, lonely, or insecure then you are emitting negative energy that will draw similar energy to you. Meaning that your emotional unhealth will draw other unhealthy people into your life. So you have two very unhealthy people with empty cups who are desperately trying to fill their cups from each other’s empty cups.
Wow, that was confusing! The end result? Two very empty cups and a shit storm of misery.
Listen, if you want to be in an amazing, healthy relationship with a high-quality person then YOU first have to be that person.
Do the work on yourself. Process through all that shit from your childhood that you’ve been avoiding. Put yourself first. Love every inch and every ounce of who you are!
Love yourself by setting boundaries, knowing what you want and deserve, not allowing shitty relationships into your life, taking care of your body, pursuing your dreams, and never settling.
Be joyful! Start living rather than just existing and start NOW.
Take yourself out on dates. Start treating yourself the way you want a partner to treat you. Start giving yourself EVERYTHING you are hoping to get from a relationship!
Today is a lovely day to be single!
And you know what? When you fully and completely love who you are, when you are sexy and know it, when you are truly fulfilled, when you are the best version of yourself, when you’ve done the hard work on yourself, when you are actually living…something amazing happens.
You start ATTRACTING incredible, mind-blowing relationships into your life. That soulmate that you’ve been walking upstream trying to find is suddenly standing there right in front of you. But it’s not just ONE. There are thousands of other sexy soulmates right in front of you because that’s how fucking amazing, and powerful your positive energy is.
So this Valentine’s day don’t pay any attention to the flowers, chocolate, lingerie, or the lack of a partner. Pay attention to YOU. Bask in the marvelous feeling that you are single because you are CHOOSING to be single.
Stay single so you can love yourself enough to not settle for anything less than what you deserve. Take this time to truly get to know yourself. Learn what you like and don’t like. Figure out your dreams and goals. Dream big and plan big. Know EXACTLY what you want in every area of your life including a partner.
If you are looking for a sign then this is it.
It is time to fucking love YOU! Right NOW. Get to it.
Jacinta Chole is a Self-Love Coach for women and the founder of the 8-week transformational program Free To First Love Yourself.
Growing up being sexually abused by multiple men, and being raised in a spiritually abusive environment, really caused her to feel like an empty shell of herself. She struggled with severe depression, social anxiety, insecurities, a lack of confidence, and debilitating PTSD. After decades of counseling with little relief, she took her emotional healing and life into her own hands! What she discovered was that when she dealt with her past trauma and lack of self-love, reprogrammed her subconscious self-limiting beliefs, and reconnected to her inner-being, that something amazing happened. She actually started living, rather than just existing. Her insecurities were replaced with confidence. Her depression was replaced with joy and fulfillment. Her entrapment was replaced with freedom. Her social anxiety was replaced with healthy relationships. And most importantly, her self-hatred was replaced with an unconditional love on the deepest spiritual level.
Now, she is extremely passionate about empowering women to go through this same life-changing transition that she did. The journey to self-love and reconnecting to the mind, body, and spirit.
To follow Jacinta, check out the links below:
Facebook: Jacinta Chole – Self Love Expert & Coach
Jacinta’s 8-week Self Love Course: Free to First Love Yourself Course