Man, what a month, Daily Feelers. Last time I wrote, I shared with you how my spirit animal was a wild bohemian woman who just wanted to be set free from all the bullshit. Guess what? She’s still running through the fields of my mind, as she should be. I mean, I am getting work done. I’m raising my kiddos, working hard, and just chipping away at another round of life. Rightfully, there’s a pep to my step lately. I am finding a groove in the midst of change and, boy, am I soaking it up. This…this is MY happy place. My present situation is amiable. I am doing it…and I really like the fact that it’s summer.
I have been manifesting so much, and many things have sprung up that have given me an opportunity to put positive change in motion. It’s a cool turn of events from the past few years. However…in the back of my mind…I feel this pull to somewhere else. It’s a yearning of some sorts. Some days it’s stronger than others, and it never fully fades. It’s like a hunger for something more. It’s really not easy to describe, but if you can visualize yourself at Disneyland surrounded by happy people, yet you are just not into it, you might be familiar with my current thought pattern.
That feeling I described has a name…homesick. Yep, I’m homesick. How, you might ask? Well, I’m not sure exactly but every few months the yearning starts up, and I catch myself letting my thoughts drift to memories of people and places not within my current reach. I call. I write. I send presents to fight off the feeling of being “so far”, but it’s not ever really the same. On Fathers Day, it hits me hardest. I yearn to talk to my dad that passed away. So I texted my sister instead. It helps. What do you do in a situation such as this? I suppose writing this blog helps more than I realize. Many, they just suppress the thoughts and carry on. I do too, most days.
I am very fortunate. I know this. I have several people all around the world that genuinely care about my happiness. I am so humbled and appreciative to have a large circle. Perhaps it’s even a tad ungrateful of me to become homesick when I live in Los Angeles, the City of Angels, and work as an entertainment executive. My life must be loads of fun, right? Well…this city has its perks. There really isn’t ever a dull moment. Contrary to what you may imagine, it takes a lot of focus to “thrive” in LA, and the expectations to stay sharp and on point are constant. Don’t get me wrong. I love my job. I love my profession. I appreciate living in the Burbs and my active family, but you want to know what I am the most homesick for?
Yep, I grew up with a fishing pole by the door. I hated touching the worms, but I was the first one with her rubber boots on if anyone mentioned catfish. I shared this secret with my husband recently. Out of the blue, I got super sappy at the table and like a little child who has lost her favorite doll, I cried: “I just want to be in a boat…with a pole…waiting…in silence”, and through a soft chuckle, he says: “honey, we can go fishing in LA”, and I just grinned. He wasn’t wrong, but perhaps it wasn’t JUST about the act of fishing. The part of going fishing that I think I liked the most as a kid, in my small little town, was that SOMEONE else was ALSO itching to go fishing.
Often times, I’d just rush back to Georgia for a quick fix. Or Denver. Or Texas. Or Oklahoma. I’d travel anywhere it took to see as many friends and family that I can in 7 days or less, then I head back to Los Angeles with a short-lived fill. At my core, it’s not JUST fishing that I miss. I am homesick for more than one place, one person, or one activity. I miss that feeling when you are truly relaxed in your current setting. If I have learned anything over the last 13 years, it’s that I have planted roots in many places and met many people that I find a necessity to my existence. It’s liberating and very, very cool. So when I say I am homesick, I think what I miss is connection. I miss people that need no introduction. I miss places that make time stand still. I miss conversations that start off as humor and end with two friends giving high fives through tear-stained faces. I miss hearing the joys and sorrows of my friends that are as busy as me. Most of all, I miss seeing their faces when you share something you did that you are super proud of. I miss the people who ask you the obvious yet super hard questions, then after you answer, they just say: “ok”, and move on. Believe it or not, I’ve had a lot of those very connections while fishing.
So, why am I going on and on about being homesick for fishing? Easy, in less than 30 days, I will be sitting in a lawn chair, next to a lake, with a pole in the water, doing nothing but killing time and making memories. I am so excited. I haven’t been home in 6 months. We weren’t fishing on that last trip. We were laying my grandmother to rest. It was winter. It was not a happy place. So, my yearning for a happy time with my favorite people is turned way up. I’m ready to see familiar faces, share some crazy stories, leave judgment at the door, and catch a few catfish.
Daily Feelers, I know life is super busy. We have deadlines, bills, kids, ex-husbands/besties, and maybe even some intense co-workers. But let’s not forget, it’s also summertime. We gotta make time to “go fishing”. Call those that set your soul on fire. Go visit those people that can just sit silently with you and let you recharge. If you have a yearning, I encourage you to listen to it just a hair, and make time to fill that void. Don’t wait. Go for a hike. Take a nap in a hammock. Read a book that’s NOT about self-care. Choose a juicy romance novel, put up an umbrella over your lawn chair, and cast a fishing pole in the lake. Go fishing for some positive vibes. Whatever your happy place may be, I hope you get to visit soon. Enjoy your summer.
P.S. I also watched Big Fish this weekend. Such a good movie!
JB McCann has worked in “The Biz” for almost a decade, yet she’s somehow managed to keep her feet firmly on the ground. Her altruistic spirit aims to evoke your Inner Phoenix and encourage readers to take the difficult leaps in life, so you can continue to grow.