Have you ever had a bad day that turned into a most challenging week? I don’t know if it was the Full “Harvest” Moon in Pisces but I was all in my feelings last week. It could be that my beautiful summer is ending and reality is setting in as the leaves are already changing into their lovely hues of red, orange and golden yellow. Mornings are much cooler now and the season of letting go is on the horizon. Or maybe it’s just that I understand the significance of my milestone birthday this year and I am coming into my own in a new way, finding that my voice is stronger and I am intentionally set on living fully. I am aware of the moments at hand. I have dreams and goals that have yet to be explored. All the while understanding that I have a blessed life. It is all a process. Losing and winning. Forgetting and remembering. What I know to be true is— God has perfect timing.
So Many Questions
I have been questioning so much. Should I? How can I? How do I? Could I? What’s next? Reflecting on life and seeking. Trying to understand the meaning of things. Praying for clarity and living with gratitude. I have come to see that I don’t do well with personal pressure coming from others. At work, I can handle fire after fire…I work through the pressure sent my way. But in my life, it’s not welcome. I like things to flow and feel natural. I prefer to make decisions with my whole heart. Not pushed to the edge by someone or something outside of myself. Even if I am not 100% sure how things will work out with my decision, I am confident in the fact that my heart is in it. That is how I know that I am making the decision that’s best at the time. It may turn into a lesson learned but I can stand behind my choice. Decisions feel heavy these days. Lately, my path has been a little blurry. Thank God for his grace. And if you keep your eyes open, you will see the confirmations that the universe places along the way so you can find the clear route. You may have to quiet the noise so that you can truly listen. Some people will try to write your story for you, keep the pen in your hand. Have you ever been in a situation where someone is explaining you to you? It’s as if they think that they know you better than you know yourself, your feelings and your wants at the same time rebuffing what you know to be your truth. This is definitely time to take a moment and refocus. Trust yourself so that you can tell your story. Take time to figure out your needs and wants then you can take in the full picture and decide.
When you are growing, it can be uncomfortable. You may feel like you are breaking. You are overwhelmed and everything feels urgent. Leveling up is meant to stretch you, if it doesn’t challenge you what is the point? You might as well stay in the same place. If you feel like you are in a holding pattern of waiting or cycle of unhappiness or just stuck— something has to change. Whether it is you– how you see the situation or the situation itself, something has to give. It’s time to take charge of your life and stop allowing it to just happen around you. You may feel like you are saying the same things on repeat. I see this as a working through. An alignment with mind and heart is taking place. When something is continuously weighing on you, it’s time to make a full evaluation of the area and choose. Make a plan and push through the discomfort.
This summer we had an amazing West Coast vacation. We started with family fun in Las Vegas and then drove to Los Angeles to make more memories. The drive in the desert was unbelievably peaceful and picturesque. It was like a healing journey of the soul for me on many levels. I love LA. It holds a special place in my heart. I grew up during my time living there in many ways. In 2006, I bought a one-way ticket to Los Angeles and packed up my life in two bags of luggage and moved out west with stars in my eyes and no fear in my heart. I landed jobs that placed me in position to live my dreams. I went from crashing on a college friend’s sofa for 2 months to finding an apartment and creating a sweet home for myself. I hustled, trusted my gut and believed that God had a plan for my life. Every door that shut propelled me to my next “yes”. I met genuine people and made lifelong friends. I HAD FUN! I LIVED. When I went by my old apartment, my spirit overflowed with pride showing my daughter what happens when you bet on yourself. I was able to share with her something that means so much to me. In this moment, I remembered who I was. What I had been. Things that I had accomplished. I felt my heart beat in such a familiar way and it reminded me of what I had made happen. What I continue to make happen.
One morning, after the emotional havoc of the week had ended, I woke up to an email that was a huge wake-up call. For the past 2 years, each month I have seen progress on a goal that I have been working on. I was first thankful then I celebrated. At times, we can lose track of our accomplishments because we are so locked in, looking ahead to the future. We can have a bad day turn into a rough week because we get lost in the process instead of trusting it. Throughout the process we will question, we will experience the growing pains and we will need to take time to reflect to gain true perspective. Sometimes we have to look over our life and remember our wins. Remember that even baby steps forward is still movement in the right direction. We all have to start somewhere. Start betting on yourself.
Tiffany Reneé is a writer, poet, mother, wife, activist and Ohio native, based in New York. She is a free spirit who loves to truly connect with others.
She believes that life gives us opportunities to learn and grow daily if we are open to see the beauty in the expansion. Family time, deep conversation, wine, cooking, music, laughter, and travel are a few of her favorite things. She’s a soulful dreamer from the Midwest who has always been drawn to the city lights and the possibility of choosing “more”.