I thought I’d give two perspectives on the topic of relationships in this month’s blog. One deep, one humorous. Both insightful.
An In-Depth Approach to Achieving the Perfect Relationship
Relationships are never easy. All too often we are left with the burning question: Why are relationships so difficult and painful? Here’s my answer to that question.
There are two crucial relationships many of us bypass in life that I feel are fundamental to the ebb and flow of our existence. The first is the most obvious. it is the opportunity to form a personal relationship with God by allowing one’s self to experience His majesty and acknowledge His existence. If we are able to establish such a relationship, we will come to realize that most relationships are not as complex as we make them out to be. We learn to value every relationship, good and bad and use them as stepping stones throughout our life. No one, however, can make us form a relationship with God. We either want one or we don’t.
Many people feel empowered by not believing in God. They feel they are in control of their own life. They live as they choose and answer to no one. They move through life making choices based on what they want out of life and who they want it from. They have their standards and expect people to live up to them. When people don’t measure up, they sever the relationships, moving on until they find the right people to fit their criteria. It’s their right not to believe in God. I just wonder if they would see life differently if they did. Of course, there are those that do believe in God, they just don’t believe He’s got their best interest in mind. They take control of their every move as well. They go after what they want possibly bypassing many an angel along the way because they preferred not to allow Divine Intervention to step in and direct them toward who He had in mind for them. In either case, people have a hard time believing that their well being is a top priority with God. I can’t convince them of anything they choose not to believe.
The second relationship we tend to bypass is the one with our true self. A part of us that we are not that eager to know. Most of us keep it hidden behind a wall of emotions that have plagued us through life. Do we really know what makes us tick deep inside or do we only know the surface part of ourselves? If we are willing to get to know ourselves, we might discover why relationships are hard to keep.
Since the time of birth, we have been forming a very surface view of who we are by allowing our emotions to be our guide. We get so caught up in our emotions that it becomes difficult to see the person behind them. The person that is looking to love and be loved. We all deserve to experience love so why do we stand in our own way? Why do we attach so many demands on love? Do we set ourselves up for failure by expecting too much? It’s important to connect to the part of us that deserves to be loved. We need to understand the reasons we hide behind our emotions.
Emotions are learning tools. The way we form healthy relationships is by understanding the purpose of each emotion. They are our guides in life. The problem is we don’t understand how to use them. We know how to manipulate them but we don’t know how to extract the power in them to aid us in forming the desired relationships. If we are led solely by our emotions our relationships can have disastrous results.
If we dare to delve into our being we might expose the whys to our behavior and not focus on the whys to the behavior of others. It’s easy to scrutinize others. It’s much harder to discover our own frailties. That can only occur if we are willing to get to know the person that dwells behind our emotions.
We do such a disservice to ourselves and those we might connect with by ignoring our inner self. We are afraid to recognize that our needs are simple and that our expectations are what’s preventing love from reaching in? Is it possible that our desire to control in order to protect ourselves has limited our chances at love? Is our criteria more important than love itself? We’re not here to control or change anyone’s behavior any more than they are here to control or change us. We are meant to keep ourselves under control and to change what needs to change in us in order to experience love. When we understand who we are, (not the pretense version of circumstance) we are able to let love in. It is the part of ourselves that have been hidden behind the damage we created to protect our self, that is able to love freely. That part of us is open to receive the love designed for us not by us.
We all want to feel a certain way in life. Free, alive, loved and at peace. Few of us ever get there without some sort of trauma occurring. Why? Because we don’t know how to attain what we’re looking for. We’re afraid to become vulnerable to love. Afraid of the pain. We need to embrace love as we did when we were a child. Before we let our emotions control us.
Children are great teachers. If we study their behavior we begin to understand our own behavior. We learn how emotions overtake our free spirit. Somewhere in the course of life that free spirit became lost, misguided or hidden away. It became afraid to reveal itself. If we look at our circumstances and our reactions to them as a child, we can figure out when we began to shelter our own free spirit. We become aware of how we let our emotions dictate us. We see the wall of protection we built around ourselves.
Are we protecting ourselves or preventing ourselves? Have we allowed our fears and the fears of others to govern our senses by blocking us from coming forward? Did we lose the chance to emerge by taking on the persona of fear? Did we pick up the traits of others by allowing their emotions to become our emotions, their thinking to become our thinking? Did we get shuffled to the back of the deck waiting for our card to get pulled yet afraid to have it drawn? Is this why relationships fail?
Understanding our emotions helps us uncover the truth as to why there is difficulty in lasting relationships. Getting to know our true self earns us our wings to freedom. By stepping over the barriers of our destructive emotions and the emotional pull we drew from others, we free ourselves to experience life and love in a new way. That openness allows others who have opened themselves up, to enter freely into our life. We become able to see beyond the masquerades and charades we’ve lived by. We no longer stand in our way of happiness. Relationships become more attainable.
If this approach seems to complex then perhaps the next approach is more feasible. You decide.
A Humorous Approach To The Perfect Relationship
Women, keep this in mind. Men don’t operate well with drama. They choose adventure over drama and want a partner to take that adventure with. Most men are simple and don’t want all the glitz, glamor and false advertisement. They want to have someone to share and grow old with. They don’t need a lot to get by. They don’t like to be nagged, ridiculed or judged. They believe they are doing their best. They’ll provide as they see fit. They will cherish you providing you take proper care of their needs. Feed their stomachs, their egos and tire them out with sex and you’ll maintain a lasting relationship. Take note, there are plenty of available good men out there. Stop being so damn picky. Give those men a chance. Never go after someone else’s man. You’ll only be setting yourself up for drama and trauma both of which you don’t need. Remember men are not that complex. Tend to their needs and they’ll tend to yours. Feed them, love them as they need it and they’ll unconsciously allow you to train them.
Men, good luck in taming or trying to figure any woman out. That ain’t gonna happen. As long as things go a woman’s way, you’ll be fine. Don’t cross any of us or you’ll pay the price. Keep in mind, women are masters at puppeteering. They know when and how to pull all strings. Women have a huge advantage over men and they like having that power. Manipulating what they want by the power of sex usually proves effective. Many a man has turned his last dollar over for a romp in the hay. I bet right before Eve bit into that apple Adam turned over his last fig leaf.
Keep in mind, women like to laugh, but they don’t necessarily want to live by your comedic antics. There’s a time and place. Know when to fold. When we’re angry, trust me, that is not the time to conjuror up a comedy of errors. You’ll only be putting your mental health and possibly your life at risk. Some women like a man of mystery. All women, want a man to reveal his mysterious ways to her and her alone. They don’t want anyone knowing their man better than they do. Women like romance but their version of romance, not yours. For heaven’s sake, appliances are not romantic. Neither is going out on a date with your phone attached to your fingers. Pay complete attention to her at all times. Appease her. Women are much more complex than men. Like a cat, a woman’s claws will come out when you least expect it. Always sleep with one eye opened. She keeps a mental log book, many, many log books and she remembers EVERYTHING down to the last detail. She NEVER forgets. Her love is not unconditional, it comes with rules, regulations, and consequences. Abide by her rules and you might live happily for a while. Break her rules and you’ve committed yourself to a fate worse than hell. Take note that today’s rules may not apply tomorrow. Rules change with our moods. The mood pendulum is constantly swaying. No one knows where it will stop. Basically, men, you’re screwed and not in the way you hoped you’d be. Tread lightly men, tread lightly. You never know what awaits you round the bend. If you can achieve any of this you might have a slim chance at happiness. I said a slim chance. Nothing with women is ever guaranteed.
Women, don’t give me no defensive crap, you know it’s all true. Own up to it and set yourself free. Then watch the magic happen. I wrote this in fun, even though there is truth to it all. You know it, I know it and now some men know it too.
Two different approaches to maintaining a relationship. Both impossible to master. No wonder people choose to remain single.
Side Note: While reading this to my hubby, especially the humorous version, all I kept hearing was yup, yup, yup in the background. Either he KNOWS it’s all true or I’ve TRAINED him well. lol. Please remember, the second part was all in fun. I think highly of both men and women. I’m just elaborating on the stereotypical premise we attach.
Married 44 years to my hubby whose purpose in life is to prevent me from getting through the “Pearly Gates”. Mother of two, Nanna of four loving granddaughters and retired secretary aka administrative assistant. I went to the University of Hard Knocks where I received my Doctorate. My thesis is titled: How To Survive Life’s Trials Without Killing Yourself or Someone Else. I live by the belief that when life throws you a curve, learn from it rather than use it against yourself. Faith and humor are my survival kit. Appreciate the simple things for they are the true treasures of life.