Wow. I haven’t blogged since last year! (Sorry, had to.) How the hell ya been?
Oh, right. I can’t hear you. I’ll just nod and say, “That’s awesome!” or “Oh, sorry to hear.” Your choice.
Most of my friends ended 2019 needing me to choose the latter response. I was in a different place, though. Instead, I sat back and thought, “Really? I feel pretty good!” I might have even had a snark in my inner voice when I thought that, by the way. My year was better than your year, kind of way. I know, I’m a jerk. 😉
But then my boyfriend called me out on it. He reminded me of some of the bad shit we went through in the past year. And it hit me.
Whoa. I think he might be right. Did I forget about that stuff, and those mornings I woke up in a panic? Hmm. But I’ve been feeling so good? Is this real?
Wow. Maybe ignorance IS bliss.
I didn’t consciously ignore it all, or block it out, but…I wanna say I ordered a big dish of moving on – with a side order of ignorance.
There was one big truth: I ended the year on a high note. In September, I started my own voiceover production company (Lotus Flower Productions, thank you very much), and I continued to book some serious voiceover work. The dreams I was envisioning for years were starting to see the light of day. Ya know, after going through some mud. So, of course, I let go of that negative crap – or at least swept it under the rug.
I ended 2019 feeling really proud of myself – which isn’t exactly a feeling I often allow myself to have for some reason. Sometimes I feel like I’m expected to work hard, so that’s what I’m doing. All the time. Nose to the grindstone. Then I took a pause, and finally took a moment to soak in how my hard work had been paying off. It was a true moment of bliss. Why not forget about the other stuff?
Going back to ignorance, though. I don’t know. Through these times we’re living in, I think being “ignorant” once in a while is OK. Even healthy.
Sure, not all ignorance is good. I’m not talking about being ill-informed or uninformed. I’m talking about acting a little oblivious to your problems sometimes. It was important for me to not see 2019 as “that shitty year” or when “this or that didn’t go my way.” These days, I’m way more focused on the good stuff.
I don’t want a certain year defining me. Not last year. Not four years ago (see my first Daily Feels blog, lol). I feel ever-changing and I like it. I’m not a victim of my circumstances. I’m the wizard who turns lemons into a lemonade cocktail. I don’t focus on the problem; I focus on the solution. I wake up every day and work on my craft. I face fear every chance I get. I’m constantly pushing myself to try new things, no matter how uncomfortable those things make me feel.
Am I scared sometimes? You betcha. Do I wish I could stay home and curl into a ball sometimes, hells to the yeahs. But what I’ve figured out is – everything that hasn’t worked out – has not worked out for a reason. I know it sounds cheesy to say everything is a blessing or a gift, but dang it, I’m starting to get it.
I wouldn’t be exactly where I am right now without everything that happened (or didn’t happen) before this moment.
So, here’s a little Lotus Flower advice: take some of that dark stuff that’s happening or happened to you and throw it in the back of the closet. Leave it be for a minute. Put it next to those shoes you never wear.
I know people say, “Act as if.” I’m here to tell you – you don’t need to pretend. You’re awesome. And it’s about time you allowed yourself to believe it and be it.
Julie Slater, aka THE LOTUS FLOWER, looooves music. Besides being a rabid fan and musician, you may recognize her voice. She’s a voiceover artist and audiobook narrator (www.julieslater.com). She’s DJ’d on top stations: 88.5 FM and 100.3 the Sound in LA and 92.3 K-Rock in NYC following Howard Stern.
When she’s not at concerts, you can usually find her meditating or in the kitchen. She has a slight obsession with deep, dark cabernets & small batch whiskey. Namaste