Whew, ladies and gents, it’s my turn again?! Oh man. Ok. Well, I’ll be really honest…right now I can’t be an open book for you. There’s just so much going on. It would take you all day just to sort through my rant to find the message. So I’m gonna give you the cliff notes version of my blog this month. Ready?
Since I last blogged, I’ve lost my godfather to terminal cancer. So, my face has been leaking water more than usual. It’s weird. No matter how often I sing a happy song or scrub every inch of my house to distract myself, the truth remains. His passing has opened a flood tunnel behind my eyes. I look like a walking zombie. Insert an awful selfie here….
Yikes, huh? I know. I know. Grieving is not glamorous. What can I say? But, never fear, concealer is here. As much as I hate wearing make-up, I have succumbed to the vanity gods and whipped out the essentials so I don’t frighten everyone I encounter throughout the day. See. Make-up Magic. Even curled my hair. You’d never know I’ve been drowning in a sea of tears. #winning
On the brighter side, I’ve started a new part-time job as a Behavior Therapist for kids with Autism. That’s cool. My kiddos are both rocking at school. Also cool. My husband and I are well, married people managing typical married people issues. Go adulting. And lastly…. I’ve decided Pros and Cons lists are dumb. They don’t show me anything except exactly where I need to focus MORE of my time.
More time…ha! That’s a good one, huh? Like I can magically add extra hours to the clock without subtracting any from the other things that have already been allocated as best we can. So, that’s why I’ve decided to cut my Pros/Cons list in half and only focus on my PROs right now. Yes, maybe I am cheating a bit. Maybe I believe this glass half full concept way too much, but it’s been brought to my attention that what I need most in life right now is to remember how good life is despite all the obvious things that aren’t that stellar. So, I’m calling in the PROS for a while. I hear it will help with that face leaking thing.
I’m being PROACTIVE. I have a ton of moving pieces in my life right now. They all interconnect as well. It reminded me of my Hurdle Jumping blog I wrote a while back, Great Things Never Came from Comfort Zones. In order for me to get through this massive amount of STUFF, I have to tackle one thing at a time. I’m not one for procrastination either. So, I’m going to do a little bit each day to get my momentum in a solid groove. I don’t mind struggle or resistance. I’ve worked out enough to know that pushing through the gritty stuff is hard, but the end result is so fulfilling. I just have to think ahead, ask questions as they come up, and plan. Then, be prepared to redo the plan if something I didn’t foresee arises.
I’m PROUD. Now, I know people can get me on this one. Pride isn’t always a good thing. BUT today, it is. I am proud of my family. We have been through hell lately. Each of us has faced loss differently, but we’ve held onto each other for sanity and love like our lives depend on it. Well, it does depend on it actually. We have lost our parents, our mentors, our matriarchs, patriarchs, and dear friends over the last few years. We have been handed the shittiest hand in poker one can imagine. However, we have played that shitty hand and bluffed our way into the next hand. I’m banking on this round being our hot hand, you guys. I just feel it. Stay strong.
I’m focusing on PROVIDING.
Why did I change careers? Well, I didn’t really change my career. I am still working on making a few feature films and shows as an Executive Producer. To be honest, it’s a slow burn. You work unpaid for a long time on a passion project hoping it gets legs that can walk into a network or finance company and sell itself. I am still a Freelance Line Producer. I just haven’t had that many gigs I can take because the truth is, my son is in the middle of intense ABA Therapy to help him with his communication and social skills. I can’t be on-set for 12hrs. a day, 5 days a week right now. If I did, he would suffer. No thanks. I care more about his growth than my ego. I have been the big dog LP. I love it. It fills every personal goal I have, but what I noticed was that as I climbed, my family took the hit. It’s the reality all moms/dads have to face in today’s society. Do I want a nanny to raise my kid so I can make tons of money and have a fancy title? Or do I want to be with him, learning how to help him, being his confidant, and re-adjust my professional life to accommodate his needs? The answer was a no brainer for me. I can always go back to 60hr work weeks and climb the ladder. He needs this time now, not me. I want all of us to rise together. It’s a No Man Left Behind mentality. I want my kids to know that they are the most important thing in my life. If they are not thriving, I am not thriving. Money isn’t everything, but we do need some of it to survive. Hence, I took a temporary career change to fill everyone’s needs, not just mine.
The last PRO…
The future is PROMISING. I know everything is out of our norm right now. New careers, people passing, school, therapy, new living situation coming soon too this summer….there’s a ton of change in motion. All of these changes are promising. They are in motion to make life better, not worse. I have to believe with all my heart that we are where we are supposed to be right now. I have to view the changes as a blessing, not a burden. I know that positivity is the only way to approach life. I know that dedication to bettering ourselves all around is the truest form of leveling up. It may not show up in our bank accounts right now, but I will never give up hope that good things are in our future. We have already seen our son improving, being happier, being inspired, building a strong bond with his sister. My husband is growing professionally, which is amazing. I am enjoying helping other families see the light at the end of the tunnel in our sessions too. I’m thankful I can switch careers so easily. I am thankful I can find joy in more than just being the boss on set. I am humbled by the idea that I can creatively write some amazing films I would never have had time to explore/put on paper if I was working those long days in corporate life. All in all, our sacrifices have been for the greater good. They are challenging. They make us approach everything with grace, but I know it’s only helping us to build a solid foundation for a more promising future.
Daily Feelers, I hope this message makes you feel hopeful. No matter what you are facing, know there is a way out. You may have to carve out an entirely different path than you planned to get where you want to be, but I encourage you to dig deep. Get out the shovel, get your hands dirty, and don’t give up. You can focus on the CONS of every situation, or you can focus on the PROs. It’s your choice. For me, the cons only made me nervous, anxious, and even sad. It’s important to know what the cons are, but that’s not where you will find your power. The power comes from the PROs. So, be aware of the cons, but nurture your PROs. I promise you won’t regret it.
JB McCann has worked in “The Biz” for almost a decade, yet she’s somehow managed to keep her feet firmly on the ground. Her altruistic spirit aims to evoke your Inner Phoenix and encourage readers to take the difficult leaps in life, so you can continue to grow.