As I walked on my Handmaid’s Tale walk of the day, face mask on, hoodie up, I passed a corner store that had magazines on display in the window. I stopped, curious whether all of these covers would represent the crazy world we’re living in right now, and be pandemic galore like our newspapers were. Sure enough, they were. Until my eyes stopped at the April 2020 Forbes. It was their annual Billionaires list.
Um. Nope. Not the time, read the room Forbes, READ THE ROOM. If we can cancel the rest of uh, life, you can maybe skip over your list of people who have far too much money in the world, while the rest of us are freaking. out.
Anyone else still waiting on their stimulus check? Yeah, not just me? K, cool.
Oh, you thought you were escaping another quarantine blog? Never. What else would I write about, being a billionaire? Maybe next year.
I realized that I haven’t actually even thought about my personal quarantine experience until I sat down to begin writing this. A lot of people ask me how I am, and I give them a loosely vague “I’m alright”, because I am, I’m alright. There are good days and there are bad days, and there are some really bad days, but for the most part I know everyone is in a similar boat than me, so why dwell on it?
We’re living in a time we’ll never forget and we simply have to persevere and use our resilience to make it to the other side. Did I ever think I’d experience something like this in my lifetime? I mean, I hoped it’d be reserved for before or after me ideally, but here we are.
What were my initial humble beginnings as a newly drafted quarantine player, you may ask? Well, I kicked off quarantine quarantining a couple of days early because I was gifted with the most brutal stomach virus I have ever experienced in my life. The ten days felt like ten years, and looking back on it, I without a doubt should have gone to the hospital, but not having health insurance coupled with the fear of going to a hospital during the hysteria of COVID really hitting, of taking up room in a hospital where they had higher, more important concerns (see how I value myself?), combined with knowing that if I went to a hospital and somehow caught Covid while dealing with this brutal stomach bug, I’d probs want to die, left me to just battle it out on my own.
After about a full three weeks, I was good as new but it was a pretty harrowing experience (that sounds like a movie review, Peter), being genuinely afraid to go seek help at a hospital, at one of the few times when I’ve genuinely needed it. Slightly humbling, but also slightly disturbing. C’est la vie.
On the flip side of that, I started making all these lists of things that I was planning to get done during the Corona Chronicles. I’m not good at not doing anything, and I excel at making lists. But my body kept reminding me, “we’re TIRED”. I would start each day planning on checking off a plethora of things, but my body just kept reminding me, “we’re TIRED”. As a true workhorse (you’re talking to someone who started baby modeling at six months old, and acting at two years old, so even as a damn baby I was a fucking overachiever lol), my brain wanted to do the most but my heart and soul wanted to rest.
So that’s what I did. I did a whole lot of nothing for quite a period of time. I meditated, I read, I worked on mending my insomnia (not completely successfully, but sleep was had), I rediscovered what TV was, (there’s some good shit out there, y’all), I didn’t worry about what I ate, I didn’t touch a drop of alcohol and I didn’t worry about checking 6,293 emails a day. And in doing pretty much nothing, I actually did a whole lot. It’s just not a lot that you can see or that you can tangibly hold, but it’s a lot that I can feel.
I listened to my body. I’ve always struggled with doing that, much to my detriment. It’s nothing to brag about or be proud of, it’s simply that I think subconsciously that I’m a combination of invincible and that my level of self-worth doesn’t really allow myself to worry about me. But like, it was really great listening to my body, and I highly recommend it, y’all. 10/10 would tell readers to add it to the top of their summer to-do list haha.
This is not to say that my time hasn’t been riddled with crippling anxiety and terrible questions.
Left in our thoughts for a long period of time, it’s damn near impossible to avoid the question of: Who am I and what do I actually have to offer this world?
I’m still looking for a lot of answers to things, but as I always say, baby steps are still steps, and all progress is still progress. During this time when much of the world is at a twilight zone like stand still, I just would like to stress that all of us need to be offering only one thing as a priority: Kindness.
I am wrapping this up curled up on my couch, holding one of my favorite stuffed animals and getting super excited to go on my walk of the day. I’m kinda like a dog now, but that’s cool too I guess.
Real talk, I haven’t FULLY cuddled with my stuffed animals since I was a child. I’ll hang with em and hold em for the occasional Bridget Jones nervous breakdown and stuff, but mostly for the past couple decades they’ve been there for nostalgia, aesthetic and also simply a reminder of where I’ve come from and my favorite things from childhood. Without even realizing it, this week I’ve been holding them constantly, sleeping with them, waking up with them boo’d up, and reactively reaching out to them. They’re pretty great company honestly.
I think I miss hugs the most.
Take care of yourselves, wash your damn hands, and I’ll see you for our next chapter of the Quaronatine Coronicles. Stay safe, loves. Xx
PS…What day is today?
Peter William Dunn is a born and raised New Yorkers, who is currently a freelance writer, producer, director and sometimes actor in the city.
His professional passions include: film, music, literature, helping other artists thrive and all around storytelling
His personal passions include: puppies, babies, black and white milkshakes, and attractive men with accents (he has an extra strong track record for attracting emotionally unavailable men, but don’t tell him we told you that, and don’t yell at him for speaking in third person right now).
His current loves are his dog, Domino, a whiskey neat, and in case you didn’t know, his mother is the greatest human being on earth ❤