An Apology to My Inner Child:
Hi Sweet One.
Hi Calm One.
Hi Equally Feisty One.
Hi Lovely Lady in a white Sunday dress covered in mud from dancing in the rain.
Hi Faithful Friend who chases shadows with me at sunset.
Hi Beautiful Free Spirit who just wants to love and be loved in return.
It’s me….The Grown Up.
I know I’m a lot. I have SOOO many goals. I have soooooo many responsibilities. I have things that only grown ups have to do. And it’s not always THAT fun. So many changes, it’s hard to really just let loose and “fun” out like usual. But, I promise, I’m making room in my life for you to shine more.
I appreciate you always being a good person and helping my heart make the “right” choices vs. the easy ones. You have no idea, young lady, how hard that is as we get older. I haven’t always listened to you. I’ve let logic negate your view point, your tenderness, your ability to forgive, and your amazing patience with someone who is lost (myself included).
I want you to know that I value the dreamer in you. I want you to know that I really love your spirit, spunk, and drive…..most…of the time. When you finally convince me to be spontaneous and break the routine, I know that’s your brightest moments in life. I want you to know I desperately want more memories and moments like that too.
Unfortunately, the world is very troubled right now. There are many big issues that I have to fix in my life and so do all the other grown ups around the world. We have forgotten how to let you shine, sweet inner child. We have ignored your cries for love not war. We have wanted to be right so much we are afraid to be wrong even just a little to fix these HUGE issues.
It’s sad. I know. To you, it’s so simple. Why can’t we just be kind and understanding of everyone’s differences? Why can’t we just stop these bad habits and do better? Well, you aren’t wrong. It should be that simple. And I hope everyday we get closer to that mentality. It sounds beautiful and heavenly. Believe me on this one. I will do all I can to live my life to those standards. Even on grim days.
For all of that, I am very sorry.
It’s my job to protect you. I haven’t done a great job of that. I’ve gotten caught up in surviving and maintaining, competition and perseverance, maybe worst of all…I just stopped asking you if you were ok.
I see now you are not. Your wounds are deep. Many are self inflicted. I caused them by ignoring your needs and pushing through instead of slowing down and appreciating everything around me that’s beautiful just as it is. Not as I wish it were.
I’m not sure how I got so far from you. But I’m back now. I’m listening. And together, I want to close all those wounds and help you shine bright once again. It will take time. A lot of time. But I won’t give up on my promise.
Child, you help me see beauty in uniqueness and enjoyment in others success. You help me open my heart and tell me to give what I can. It didn’t bring me the joy I thought it would, growing up; hitting tons of milestones, only to be SO responsible I stopped having fun all together. Matter of fact, it has made me really lonely at times.
Now, some days, I will not be able to play. But know that on those days, I’m working super hard to make my life one that everyone in my reach can appreciate and enjoy as well. You’ll understand in time my commutes focus on this one. This goal is felt by many. Day by day, moment by moment, grown ups are banning together in the name of love and kindness. We want what you want, child. Most of us truly do.
It won’t all change overnight. We wish it was that simple. I’ll fail at times but I won’t give up hope. I will come back to you for fun and joy more often all the while remaining diligent in my responsibilities as an adult.
Moving forward, I won’t get so caught up in proving my worth that I forget I am already worthy. I will not let my impulses default to frustration and anger. I’ll breathe. Just like you taught me. And then move forward in tune with my highest good. Just like we should.
Thank you for not giving up on me. I have missed you so much, wild child. You see the world for all the beauty it is even in the midst of chaos. That’s peace. You fight for that good with so much compassion and empathy. That’s hope. It inspires me. It heals me. It empowers me. I don’t want to imagine life without the light you give my soul.
I love you.
JB McCann has worked in “The Biz” for almost a decade, yet she’s somehow managed to keep her feet firmly on the ground. Her altruistic spirit aims to evoke your Inner Phoenix and encourage readers to take the difficult leaps in life, so you can continue to grow.