I love people.
Really, I do. I love meeting new people, and seeking out the connective threads that bind us together in some way. I am not one to just “connect” based on mutual love of coffee, or the fact that we both own the same shirt, or that we both like the beach. I am always searching for someone to show a glimmer of their soul, their heart, and their character. That’s where I want to connect to you. My favorite people on this planet are in some ways, nothing like me. My friends span an age range of their 20’s to their 60’s or more and from all walks of life. By seeking the deeper threads, I feel we make better connections and more lasting, and meaningful relationships. And in doing so, I have been blessed to be surrounded by some truly amazing humans who bring joy to my life, and the lives of those around them. It takes a village, to raise a child. I would also say that continues throughout our adulthood. For when we choose those we admire, or wish to emulate or learn from, they are now the village, still raising me as a woman, as I continually grow on a quest to “become”. They teach me continuously about the life I wish to live, or not live sometimes, and about who I am, or want to be, or someday will be. They lift me up, and sometimes, knock me off my pedestal for my own good. I love people. No, correction, I love MY people.
I don’t like people.
OK, that’s not quite true. But people, and relationships can be exhausting. I am constantly conflicted. I love people, but I am no doubt, for the most part, an introvert. I enter into the world some days, open and wanting to connect. And I do! And it’s amazing, and exhausting. When I have these bursts of connection, these energy exchanges, I often need to retreat immediately following. Sometimes for a few days, sometimes a few weeks. It is during those times that I do not reach out to nearly anyone. I have learned over the years that this is not only contradictory to how most people operate, but causes confusion and many times can knock a relationship backwards. Don’t get me wrong. If you NEED me, I will always respond and always be present. But otherwise, a text or call may go unanswered for weeks. It’s not personal, I assure you. This is just who I am, and who I need to be, for me. In order to be fully engaged, connected and present with you, I need to be rested and open and fully connected with ME. I know that does not make sense to many people. Yes, of course I can fudge my way through an interaction or situation, event, party, etc. out of obligation. And you will never see me sweat…. But I am sometimes, and those days and nights are not my best and you are not getting the best of me. But I also feel relationships deserve 100 percent of a person, and if I am not surfacing, it means simply, that I am not able to be 100 percent there for you, or me right now.
Those who love me, know me well and understand this. They accept my ins and outs without judgement. The value when we are together makes it ok and they are true and genuine people not looking to change me. Just wanting to share in each other as our lives and hearts allow.
Which brings me to this pandemic thing…. If we are speaking honestly, mostly, I do not hate the “isolation”. It has removed my self-induced social pressures, stripped away my anxiety caused by the –self-propelled need to “nourish” relationships. There are certainly times I miss being social, but they are fleeting. I have been pretty ok, in some ways, better than usual, emotionally these days. And I have to attribute at least some of that to “less pressure” to be involved, to be actively engaged. I have been selectively social with those that are nearest to me, but that is pretty much relegated to my family. We have had a friend or neighbor over to outdoor dinner or fire pit once or twice. That’s it. I maintain contact via phone, text, etc. with most, but certainly not daily, or even weekly. I “touch” to check in, and go back to my little world. And I do not hate it.
So, while I am certainly hopeful that this horrific state of affairs can pass us by soon, I hope that also we have learned the value in slowing down, and using the time to look inside, and find peace. When the world does open up to all of us again (and it will), I will be recouped, refreshed, and ready. Will you? Of course, I will ride out with an onslaught of smiles and hugs, and I will likely disappear 2 days later for a month… but those few hugs in between, will be the best hugs ever.
Much love and light to ALL of you!
Joan Poirier is an Empath, a goddess, a woman, a wife, a mother, a sister, a friend. She is you, and she is me. Just a real woman, embracing her age and her wisdom, and not afraid of opening the dam and making some waves during her short time on the wild ride of life. She is on an ever-growing quest to live better, do better, be better and taking all the lumps that go with it.