Halloween is coming up this week. Remember when we were kids and you thought it was the greatest holiday ever? Some of us still think it is. I remember asking my mother why can’t we have Halloween more than once a year. Such a dumb naive kid I was.
Halloween is great in my neighborhood, with lots of kids and plenty of MILFS dressed up. Typically my wife and kids go out in a group, while I stay home and give out the candy. The last few years it has been really nice out, and I park my sexy ass in the driveway with a bowl of candy and a few adult beverages.
One great thing about having two boys that go trick or treating is that they are naive enough to think that they’re going to eat every piece of candy that they come home with. And as a caring parent, we know this is not true. Because there isn’t a chance in the world that I’m not going through their fucking bags when they get home and stealing all the good candy!!! Fuck no are they getting the 100 Grand Bars or the Baby Ruth’s, the Butterfingers and a few others.
I’ve tried to raise the boys the right way and teach them to share. Teach them to listen to their Daddy. And when he says “look for these candies, if you see them take as many as you can…”
Funny thing is, they listen to me about this. The other things in life go in one ear and out the other. Brady takes off his socks and screams “SOCK THROW”, and throws them in any direction. I say every fucking day to stop, and he laughs.
So to make it even, this year after they come home, I’m raiding their bags and eating as many candy bars as I can, until my foot feels like it needs to be amputated. Plus, I’m going to leave all the empty wrappers out so when they wake up, they’ll come down to a huge pile of wrappers. I’m going to smear chocolate on my face, so when they first see me they’ll realize it was me that did this. I’ll tell them to clean it up like I clean up your socks and other messes every day. If not, I’ll do it again tonight…. or I could simply put all the wrappers by Lorelei’s side of the bed and sleep in the guest room. They’ll think she did it, and trust me, nothing she could say will change their minds
Obviously, I’ve thought this out and I have a big decision to make. Good times here at the Strange household.
On another note, Friday is my 10th anniversary, 2 kids, a cat, a dog, two houses and we’ve never had a fight….
Native New Yorker, now living in Connecticut. Husband, and father of two amazing boys. Kidney transplant recipient, and a big supporter of organ donation #donatelife. Mortgage banker, but not by choice. In my free time, I enjoy golf, reading (especially presidential biographies), and finding that hole in the wall restaurant that has great food.